Thursday, November 29, 2012
Monday, November 26, 2012
It's only 45 minutes, but...
I used to dread the thought of going to a therapist. Images of the disturbed and what not pass before my mind eye when the word comes to mind.
Today was my second appointment with Shawn. It's only 45 minutes and it goes by quick. But... it has been so good. Someone to talk with, to listen to me and try to understand or sort through my thoughts. He has no attachment to me and I don't have to worry about that. Of course it's easier that he's not a woman, but you know.
Thank you Shawn. Thank you Bishop for encouraging me to go and my family for their support.
Some of the best 45 minutes of my week.
Today was my second appointment with Shawn. It's only 45 minutes and it goes by quick. But... it has been so good. Someone to talk with, to listen to me and try to understand or sort through my thoughts. He has no attachment to me and I don't have to worry about that. Of course it's easier that he's not a woman, but you know.
Thank you Shawn. Thank you Bishop for encouraging me to go and my family for their support.
Some of the best 45 minutes of my week.
Tuesday, November 20, 2012
P.S. Today
I got a new job as a weekend custodian for the same building, the JFSB. I've been working early morning custodian for 4 semesters now and although fun and different I'm done with 4-7:30 am shifts Monday through Friday. I'm looking forward to only two shifts on the weekend Saturday and Sunday. And I will get paid more! WOOHOO!
It all came as a recommendation from my managers supervisor. I've struggled with work over the past couple weeks and when the position opened up she suggested to my manager that I apply for the job. Last Friday I called the manager overseeing the weekend crew and asked for an interview. The following Monday she called and told me that I was, "Highly recommended" and that she'd like to offer me the job. So here I am :) Tomorrow is the last day of my early morning custodial career, I'm moving up in the world to the weekend job. I'll work alone from 6 am to 2:30 pm and that's alright. I can work well enough by myself. Won't have to put up with the nonsense that comes with immaturity in some and see them get paid more than I do while doing practically nothing but play.
I am looking forward. So happy that I've been given this opportunity and will enjoy my new work.
It all came as a recommendation from my managers supervisor. I've struggled with work over the past couple weeks and when the position opened up she suggested to my manager that I apply for the job. Last Friday I called the manager overseeing the weekend crew and asked for an interview. The following Monday she called and told me that I was, "Highly recommended" and that she'd like to offer me the job. So here I am :) Tomorrow is the last day of my early morning custodial career, I'm moving up in the world to the weekend job. I'll work alone from 6 am to 2:30 pm and that's alright. I can work well enough by myself. Won't have to put up with the nonsense that comes with immaturity in some and see them get paid more than I do while doing practically nothing but play.
I am looking forward. So happy that I've been given this opportunity and will enjoy my new work.
the beautiful things
There are many things to love in life, too many to count. But seeing as how they're out there I'll see about trying to count some of them.
The gentle rays of sunshine which peek through clouds to warm my cheeks.
A child's laugh and smile, sparking eyes.
Chocolate, my goodness yes.
A clean home.
My hands and legs, feet and arms. For hugging, holding, creating, dancing, lifting, helping, reassuring, blessing.
A warm shower after a cold day outside.
Having a job where I am serving God's children in some sort of way. (I am a custodian at BYU).
Fall colors in the leaves.
Playing in those leaves.
Crunching those leaves.
An honest-to-goodness laugh.
Being remembered by others.
Good books.
My moments with God.
Meditation, breathing.
First snow.
First kisses.
Kisses on the cheek.
My niece Olive.
My nephew Emmett.
Playing with hair.
Shooting stars.
Frost on my eyebrows and eyelashes.
Meeting strangers and removing the strangeness.
Sacrifice.
Green lawns neatly cut and fields of flowers.
The small flowers which get caught in between my toes while I walk in fields of flowers wearing my toe shoes.
Hiking in serene mountain valleys.
A happy dog.
Sharing love with others.
Having a best friend.
Making up stories.
Telling stories.
Breathing in deep moments of peace, of joy, and of love.
Clouds and the endless paintings which stretch across the sky every day.
Matching clothes, looking sharp.
Winking.
Dancing with my eyes closed, soaking in the sea of euphoria as the people around me are enjoying themselves also.
Looking into another person's eyes to see them.
Remembering beautiful moments.
Reliving beautiful moments.
Making beautiful moments.
Playing guitar, ukulele, piano, harp.
Listening to wonderful music that gives space to my thoughts.
The social life of my family.
Gazing at the milky way, especially from a hot tub.
Aurora Borealis.
Beaches and the vast expanse of the ocean(Though lake Superior in the winter has been my favorite)
Finding secret places in nature and life where it seems magic pulsates from the very ground.
Feeling and enjoying the presence of angels.
That warm fire I feel with my best friend.
Old buildings.
Words, thrown together and coming out fantastic.
Journals and the inspiration given to the future.
Hand written letters.
Candle light dinners.
Sky lanterns.
Dancing in light snow flakes, or under stars, or anywhere out of the ordinary, but especially in the rain.
Eyes that show love.
How the gospel keeps fitting together more and more with my life experiences.
Second chances.
Hand made gifts.
A clever mind, a good mind, a thinking mind.
Taking leaps into the unknown.(scary, but still beautiful)
Free falling over a large valley(my valley, my home).
Blossoms of hope within the heart(So bright, so clear and pure).
Forgiveness.
Bringing out the best in other people.
The list would go on, my eyelids grow heavy. This is a good start.
The gentle rays of sunshine which peek through clouds to warm my cheeks.
A child's laugh and smile, sparking eyes.
Chocolate, my goodness yes.
A clean home.
My hands and legs, feet and arms. For hugging, holding, creating, dancing, lifting, helping, reassuring, blessing.
A warm shower after a cold day outside.
Having a job where I am serving God's children in some sort of way. (I am a custodian at BYU).
Fall colors in the leaves.
Playing in those leaves.
Crunching those leaves.
An honest-to-goodness laugh.
Being remembered by others.
Good books.
My moments with God.
Meditation, breathing.
First snow.
First kisses.
Kisses on the cheek.
My niece Olive.
My nephew Emmett.
Playing with hair.
Shooting stars.
Frost on my eyebrows and eyelashes.
Meeting strangers and removing the strangeness.
Sacrifice.
Green lawns neatly cut and fields of flowers.
The small flowers which get caught in between my toes while I walk in fields of flowers wearing my toe shoes.
Hiking in serene mountain valleys.
A happy dog.
Sharing love with others.
Having a best friend.
Making up stories.
Telling stories.
Breathing in deep moments of peace, of joy, and of love.
Clouds and the endless paintings which stretch across the sky every day.
Matching clothes, looking sharp.
Winking.
Dancing with my eyes closed, soaking in the sea of euphoria as the people around me are enjoying themselves also.
Looking into another person's eyes to see them.
Remembering beautiful moments.
Reliving beautiful moments.
Making beautiful moments.
Playing guitar, ukulele, piano, harp.
Listening to wonderful music that gives space to my thoughts.
The social life of my family.
Gazing at the milky way, especially from a hot tub.
Aurora Borealis.
Beaches and the vast expanse of the ocean(Though lake Superior in the winter has been my favorite)
Finding secret places in nature and life where it seems magic pulsates from the very ground.
Feeling and enjoying the presence of angels.
That warm fire I feel with my best friend.
Old buildings.
Words, thrown together and coming out fantastic.
Journals and the inspiration given to the future.
Hand written letters.
Candle light dinners.
Sky lanterns.
Dancing in light snow flakes, or under stars, or anywhere out of the ordinary, but especially in the rain.
Eyes that show love.
How the gospel keeps fitting together more and more with my life experiences.
Second chances.
Hand made gifts.
A clever mind, a good mind, a thinking mind.
Taking leaps into the unknown.(scary, but still beautiful)
Free falling over a large valley(my valley, my home).
Blossoms of hope within the heart(So bright, so clear and pure).
Forgiveness.
Bringing out the best in other people.
The list would go on, my eyelids grow heavy. This is a good start.
Monday, November 19, 2012
The Decision to be Happy
One morning I was listening to the Mormon Channel. Yes I'm a Mormon and I love being one. This particular broadcast was highlighting early pioneer poets from the Latter day Saints. This one lady had married young and later faced some financial difficulty with her husband and family. He had married to a second wife without her permission and spent most of his time with the new wife while the first (This woman) was taking care of the children. They hit a really rough spot financially and the husband with his second wife was going through it with a lot of pessimism and woe is me-ism. She was optimistically and faithfully moving forward. He asked her how she could be so upbeat and she explained to him that she could either bemoan her woes or move forward in faith. So she decided to move forward in faith and that's what she was doing.
She decided how she would react to her troubles.
How have I been deciding to react? Not very well according to the standards I've set for myself. I would do better. Then what is stopping me? Lack of faith. Lack of prayer. Lack of the word of God in my mind and heart. Lack of the Spirit. In other words the only thing that is stopping me is sin. I am without God. And that is what stops me. Damns me.
What do I do? Pray, take into me the word of God, seek the Spirit, return to God. Repent.
So simple the way! Yet how few actually take the way because it is so easy. Look to God and live. So simple the way.
She decided how she would react to her troubles.
How have I been deciding to react? Not very well according to the standards I've set for myself. I would do better. Then what is stopping me? Lack of faith. Lack of prayer. Lack of the word of God in my mind and heart. Lack of the Spirit. In other words the only thing that is stopping me is sin. I am without God. And that is what stops me. Damns me.
What do I do? Pray, take into me the word of God, seek the Spirit, return to God. Repent.
So simple the way! Yet how few actually take the way because it is so easy. Look to God and live. So simple the way.
Therapy
I went to a therapist for the first time today. It went a lot better than I thought it would. I have another appointment next Monday. I'm hopeful.
It is so difficult to admit that I need help but I am so much more willing to do this than take medication.
I'm thankful for good people. I'm thankful for the Spirit.
It is so difficult to admit that I need help but I am so much more willing to do this than take medication.
I'm thankful for good people. I'm thankful for the Spirit.
Saturday, November 17, 2012
Music
I played a $20,000 harp tonight, I was also wearing a chocolate brown vest, blue/white pinstripe shirt, rainbow neck tie and you bet I felt fancy.
Friday, November 16, 2012
New Testament class weekly forum post
As life tends to be and will be difficult at times I am grateful for Brother Griffin's class and the effort he puts into it.
This Wednesday's class leading up to the Atonement and crucifixion of the Savior was a good class for me. Although I didn't feel extremely moved, I still felt something. Sometimes that little something is all I need.
This Wednesday's class leading up to the Atonement and crucifixion of the Savior was a good class for me. Although I didn't feel extremely moved, I still felt something. Sometimes that little something is all I need.
I've recently gone through a heartbreak and as anyone who has
experienced heart break knows that it's often a struggle just to get by
in life. So I'm trying to cope. The last time I experienced depression
like this was on my mission at a time when you're expected to 'forget
yourself and go to work'. So I did, but in doing so I closed my heart to
a great deal of emotions, saying to myself that emotions are a choice. I
believe that to an extent.
This time coming through heartbreak I didn't want to close my heart
off to any of the passions or extreme ups and downs going with this
challenge. I wanted to keep it open to the pain and joys in hopes that I
will be refined by the fire and come out better and still have an open
heart. At the beginning of class on Wednesday Brother Griffin mentioned
how despite not always receiving love from us, God keeps His heart open
towards us and experiences the pain of not being loved in return. But
that's who God is.
So I feel better about my decision, no matter how painful, to keep my heart open through this heartbreak.
So I feel better about my decision, no matter how painful, to keep my heart open through this heartbreak.
Wednesday, November 14, 2012
day 14
I'm thankful for second chances.
I'm grateful for concerned friends.
I'm thankful to have things to do with my life instead of sitting around.
I'm grateful for concerned friends.
I'm thankful to have things to do with my life instead of sitting around.
Tuesday, November 13, 2012
day 13
A girl flirted with me, through text. But genuine. I'm grateful for that today.
I'm also grateful for mindless video games, it has taken away my thoughts for awhile and I don't dwell on my depression. Thank you temporary fix. Curse you temporary fix.... We'll figure this out.
I'm thankful for teachers who are understanding and willing to work with me.
I'm thankful for left over pizza, and roommates who are willing to share dinner. Thank you Ethan.
I'm also grateful for mindless video games, it has taken away my thoughts for awhile and I don't dwell on my depression. Thank you temporary fix. Curse you temporary fix.... We'll figure this out.
I'm thankful for teachers who are understanding and willing to work with me.
I'm thankful for left over pizza, and roommates who are willing to share dinner. Thank you Ethan.
Saturday, November 10, 2012
Snow? day 10
We got a lot of snow. My manager called this morning and asked if I wanted to go help shovel snow and get more hours. There was a football game tonight in town and the stadium needed shoveling. HECK YES!!!
So from 11-4:30 I was playing in snow. And Samantha was there too :) She wasn't the happiest of campers, but despite her frustration with the snow (don't judge, she'd been working since 2 am this morning) She was pushing forward with grace and vigor. A couple co workers showed up also, Jackson and this girl.
Micah and Rachel came down from Logan to visit people and they took me out to dinner.
I'm thankful for this snow, makes me excited for Christmas.
Today was a good day. Tomorrow's ward Conference and I'm looking forward to that as well.
So from 11-4:30 I was playing in snow. And Samantha was there too :) She wasn't the happiest of campers, but despite her frustration with the snow (don't judge, she'd been working since 2 am this morning) She was pushing forward with grace and vigor. A couple co workers showed up also, Jackson and this girl.
Micah and Rachel came down from Logan to visit people and they took me out to dinner.
I'm thankful for this snow, makes me excited for Christmas.
Today was a good day. Tomorrow's ward Conference and I'm looking forward to that as well.
Friday, November 9, 2012
SNOW!!! Day 9
Some people don't like it. I am thankful today for the snow. Specifically I am thankful because yesterday I played in the leaves (with my best friend) and seeing as how today they are wet and soft and "unhappy" as Samantha puts it, I'm thankful that it snowed today.
Today I decided it was a good day when I got out of bed. This sounds vaguely familiar.. I've done this on my mission before :) I remember!! YES! And it was a good day. I met some new people, had some conversations, played in the snow and had a good afternoon with Samantha, even though we didn't do our crazy work out. We walked, talked, bought some eggnog. I made a leaf angel(Kind of looked like a butterfly) yesterday and today I made a snow angel. Who can say they've done that? If I had a bucket list(which I should) this is going on there, and quickly being crossed off.
Thank you God for this wonderful day. I am looking forward.
Today I decided it was a good day when I got out of bed. This sounds vaguely familiar.. I've done this on my mission before :) I remember!! YES! And it was a good day. I met some new people, had some conversations, played in the snow and had a good afternoon with Samantha, even though we didn't do our crazy work out. We walked, talked, bought some eggnog. I made a leaf angel(Kind of looked like a butterfly) yesterday and today I made a snow angel. Who can say they've done that? If I had a bucket list(which I should) this is going on there, and quickly being crossed off.
Thank you God for this wonderful day. I am looking forward.
Taking the opportunity
The parable of the talents has been one I remember from time to time in my daily use of what God has given me.
Of those things that God gives me I apply it most to my opportunities. It started when I was a missionary, when you suddenly become aware of every single opportunity you have to talk to someone (Especially when your President and mission leaders are encouraging you to talk to EVERYONE).
For awhile it really got me down because there were days when I felt I missed so many opportunities to share the gospel. Now a days it's more than just sharing the gospel but that still primarily is the opportunity. Instead of sharing the gospel I like to think of it as just helping people.
In order for me to get out of that bad habit of bad thinking I started to count the opportunities I did take and to see the good that came out of those ones. This simple change in my perspective is exemplification of the idea that Brother Griffin was telling us, to move forward with faith and not in fear. What a difficult thing?! But that's the point. Faith is difficult. Fear is easy.
When I changed that perspective it was no longer a worry to lose opportunity but only to put gain on the opportunities I was given. Blessings came and my outlook was more positive.
This morning at work I had an opportunity to sit and fear over some things in my own life. Instead I stopped and began to look and see the opportunities which came to me for blessing other people. Sure enough I found more than one person this morning who I got to be of help in some way. Thank God for his matchless mercy and graciousness. He is abundant in His giving and loves us all. I am happy I took those opportunities to reach out and help. I am happy because I decided this morning when I walked out the door that I would move forward with faith, and that means optimism.
Of those things that God gives me I apply it most to my opportunities. It started when I was a missionary, when you suddenly become aware of every single opportunity you have to talk to someone (Especially when your President and mission leaders are encouraging you to talk to EVERYONE).
For awhile it really got me down because there were days when I felt I missed so many opportunities to share the gospel. Now a days it's more than just sharing the gospel but that still primarily is the opportunity. Instead of sharing the gospel I like to think of it as just helping people.
In order for me to get out of that bad habit of bad thinking I started to count the opportunities I did take and to see the good that came out of those ones. This simple change in my perspective is exemplification of the idea that Brother Griffin was telling us, to move forward with faith and not in fear. What a difficult thing?! But that's the point. Faith is difficult. Fear is easy.
When I changed that perspective it was no longer a worry to lose opportunity but only to put gain on the opportunities I was given. Blessings came and my outlook was more positive.
This morning at work I had an opportunity to sit and fear over some things in my own life. Instead I stopped and began to look and see the opportunities which came to me for blessing other people. Sure enough I found more than one person this morning who I got to be of help in some way. Thank God for his matchless mercy and graciousness. He is abundant in His giving and loves us all. I am happy I took those opportunities to reach out and help. I am happy because I decided this morning when I walked out the door that I would move forward with faith, and that means optimism.
Thursday, November 8, 2012
day 8
I am thankful.... I have my best friend back :) Samantha, you are one of a kind and our spirits are of that same kind.
I'm thankful for temple trips with ward members and people who have a head on their shoulders.
I'm grateful for willing participants in my funny billiards games.
I am especially thankful for my mission notebooks. This morning before work I was praying and reading from the Book of Mormon when I decided to look into my gold notebook from the mission, it had the best things. It was when I turned a page and read a single line that sent me into a bit of crying/laughing. Another one of those moments. One of those things that I can only try to understand why God would have me see it. You try to go one way and then God pushes and pulls you another way. So many times throughout my life it just hasn't made sense but it happens anyways.
I hope I understand what God is trying to tell me. Hopefully I won't over think this one.
Back to gratitude.
I'm thankful for leaf piles. I feel like I'm still finding bits and pieces of leaves. I'm thankful for the warm day.
I'm grateful for surprises. I'm thankful for Jesse, my co worker who likes to put my name into random songs.
I'm thankful for my matching Alaska moose pajamas. I'm thankful this band-aid hasn't decided to fall off yet.
I am thankful that God is there.
I'm thankful for temple trips with ward members and people who have a head on their shoulders.
I'm grateful for willing participants in my funny billiards games.
I am especially thankful for my mission notebooks. This morning before work I was praying and reading from the Book of Mormon when I decided to look into my gold notebook from the mission, it had the best things. It was when I turned a page and read a single line that sent me into a bit of crying/laughing. Another one of those moments. One of those things that I can only try to understand why God would have me see it. You try to go one way and then God pushes and pulls you another way. So many times throughout my life it just hasn't made sense but it happens anyways.
I hope I understand what God is trying to tell me. Hopefully I won't over think this one.
Back to gratitude.
I'm thankful for leaf piles. I feel like I'm still finding bits and pieces of leaves. I'm thankful for the warm day.
I'm grateful for surprises. I'm thankful for Jesse, my co worker who likes to put my name into random songs.
I'm thankful for my matching Alaska moose pajamas. I'm thankful this band-aid hasn't decided to fall off yet.
I am thankful that God is there.
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
Day 6 and 7
I am thankful for meditation, it helps me control my thoughts and get the bad ones out of my head. I am also grateful for warm weather. I'm thankful for my manager, Glenn. He's a good man with a good heart, and he listens well. He's my new friend at work :)
I am thankful for ice cream and cinnabon. I'm grateful for the Book of Mormon and the little bits of help I get from day to day.
I'm thankful for the ability to sneak up on someone, even if it fails sometimes, well more often than not.
I'm happy to have blueberry tea.
I'm thankful to be me today. Thank you God. Thou art ever with me and always merciful.
الرØمن الرØيم
The most merciful the most gracious.
الØمد لله
Praise be to God
I am thankful for ice cream and cinnabon. I'm grateful for the Book of Mormon and the little bits of help I get from day to day.
I'm thankful for the ability to sneak up on someone, even if it fails sometimes, well more often than not.
I'm happy to have blueberry tea.
I'm thankful to be me today. Thank you God. Thou art ever with me and always merciful.
الرØمن الرØيم
The most merciful the most gracious.
الØمد لله
Praise be to God
Monday, November 5, 2012
Day 5
Today I am grateful for the grace of God. His mercy is endless and His goodness infinite. I'm thankful for beauty and love. I am grateful for Jesus Christ. Thankful for toe shoes. Long conversations and bestest of friends. I'm also grateful that apparently I have a nice singing voice for the Arabic language.
I guess the spaces between my toes aren't really where yours fit perfectly.... but that's alright.
Beautiful
Thank you for the beautiful life we lived. Perhaps it was just too fantastic for the world at this point.
We're traveling the love lane, down the road we'll meet again.
We're traveling the love lane, down the road we'll meet again.
Sunday, November 4, 2012
The Atonement
With what ever understanding and knowledge of the Atonement you may have, remember that this same power applies to everyone around you.
Let people change and give them the opportunity to be different and become the best you ever thought of them or can possibly think of them.
Let people change and give them the opportunity to be different and become the best you ever thought of them or can possibly think of them.
Thankful
Nov 3
This day I am grateful for friends who make it so I don't have be alone and wallow in misery. I'm also thankful for sunshine and movies that rip my heart to shreds.
Nov 4
So far I am grateful for prayer and the scriptures that help me resist temptation. I am thankful for the Lord Jesus Christ and the possibility this gives me.
This day I am grateful for friends who make it so I don't have be alone and wallow in misery. I'm also thankful for sunshine and movies that rip my heart to shreds.
Nov 4
So far I am grateful for prayer and the scriptures that help me resist temptation. I am thankful for the Lord Jesus Christ and the possibility this gives me.
Friday, November 2, 2012
A month of gratitude
Nov 1 Today I am grateful for conversations with friends, and randomly bumping into someone in particular. Thank you for this day
Nov 2
Today I am thankful for people who listen just because. I'm also grateful for Japanese curry, tastes good.
I am thankful for God, because He understands perfectly the hurt I feel that no one entirely sees. Also because He understands why it's there and hasn't left. I'm thankful for you, God.
Nov 2
Today I am thankful for people who listen just because. I'm also grateful for Japanese curry, tastes good.
I am thankful for God, because He understands perfectly the hurt I feel that no one entirely sees. Also because He understands why it's there and hasn't left. I'm thankful for you, God.
Moments of laughter
There are times in the day when I remember you. The funny little things, the miserable things, the deep and wonderful things. And there comes a rush of emotion that never quite sorts itself out. All I feel like doing is laughing and crying at the same time. Thankfully positive emotions overpower the negative and I laugh more than cry. When that moment passes I try not to feel empty but fulfilled. To see the beautiful life I've experienced because of this love in my heart. Oh that I could once again grasp that love in the moment we shared it.
Awkward duckling,
Your skills are definitely grace
and laughing.
"Landing gear, FACE"
will always make me laugh.
Treasured like the penny I found,
worth more than all I have.
Close your "eye", and listen to the sound
as I whisper sweet nothing.
My Girl
Your skills are definitely grace
and laughing.
"Landing gear, FACE"
will always make me laugh.
Treasured like the penny I found,
worth more than all I have.
Close your "eye", and listen to the sound
as I whisper sweet nothing.
Ether 6, Book of Mormon
Verse 5,6 and 8 tell us about the means by which God used to push the barges of the Brother of Jared and their people toward the promised land.
We read that a wind kicked up and began to blow around on the water until it drove them forward. Later that same wind is described as being fierce and caused terrible tempests. I'm sure their ride in the barges wasn't a cake walk as they were driven by the fierce wind. However in verse 8 we see this.
And it came to pass that the wind did never cease to blow towards the promised land while they were upon the waters; and thus they were driven forth before the wind.
Without the fierce wind that tossed them here and there on the water they would never have gotten to the promised land.
Sometimes in my life I feel as though I'm being tossed here and there and it's uncomfortable. I don't really like it. But seeing this reminds me that there are unseen forces that God is using to push and pull me towards a promised land set up for me, one that He has promised to me.
We read that a wind kicked up and began to blow around on the water until it drove them forward. Later that same wind is described as being fierce and caused terrible tempests. I'm sure their ride in the barges wasn't a cake walk as they were driven by the fierce wind. However in verse 8 we see this.
And it came to pass that the wind did never cease to blow towards the promised land while they were upon the waters; and thus they were driven forth before the wind.
Without the fierce wind that tossed them here and there on the water they would never have gotten to the promised land.
Sometimes in my life I feel as though I'm being tossed here and there and it's uncomfortable. I don't really like it. But seeing this reminds me that there are unseen forces that God is using to push and pull me towards a promised land set up for me, one that He has promised to me.
Thursday, November 1, 2012
Answer someone's prayer
I will tell the world now that I've been very depressed and have struggled much over the past month. All to do with my decision to break things with Samantha. Each day is a battle against depression and simply focusing on breathing and taking each step.
Today was an especially poignant day. The hole in my heart seemed deeper and gaping ever wider. I went to the temple for help and seemed somewhat calm afterwards but the pain came back with great intensity. I knelt and prayed a couple times on the way home, ran into an old co worker. That was a blessing and did just a little bit to ease my pain. I got onto campus and did some things and just as I was coming out of the library I noticed a young woman who was obviously unhappy and crying. I kept walking but thought twice and decided to turn around and walk back to ask how she was. We talked and talked and eventually both of us felt a little better. The pain never fully goes away but this great blessing from the Lord was an answer to my prayer and hers.
I remember as a missionary going through a lot of depression for various reasons. The things that helped me most was when I had the opportunity to help other people, me specifically helping them. So I thank God for an answer to my prayer, and also that I was able to be an answer to another prayer.
Matthew 10:39
He that findeth his life shall lose it; and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.
Today was an especially poignant day. The hole in my heart seemed deeper and gaping ever wider. I went to the temple for help and seemed somewhat calm afterwards but the pain came back with great intensity. I knelt and prayed a couple times on the way home, ran into an old co worker. That was a blessing and did just a little bit to ease my pain. I got onto campus and did some things and just as I was coming out of the library I noticed a young woman who was obviously unhappy and crying. I kept walking but thought twice and decided to turn around and walk back to ask how she was. We talked and talked and eventually both of us felt a little better. The pain never fully goes away but this great blessing from the Lord was an answer to my prayer and hers.
I remember as a missionary going through a lot of depression for various reasons. The things that helped me most was when I had the opportunity to help other people, me specifically helping them. So I thank God for an answer to my prayer, and also that I was able to be an answer to another prayer.
Matthew 10:39
He that findeth his life shall lose it; and he that loseth his life for my sake shall find it.
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